Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
