good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
