Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
