You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
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