dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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