Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
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