wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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