I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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