i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
