Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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