I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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