Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
