Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
