After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
