now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
