i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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