I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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