I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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