So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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