Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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