so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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