The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
