smell my finger.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
