So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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