She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
