2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
