I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
