On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize