There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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