it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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