you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
