I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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