our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
