We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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