Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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