I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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