My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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