Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
