why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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