When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
