Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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