spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
