i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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