She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
