Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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