I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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