found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
