if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
