We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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