In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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