there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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