why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
