I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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