So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
