I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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