dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
