her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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