Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
