lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
