Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
