how can u be prego again
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
