I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I need moral support for this bender
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
