The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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