Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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