we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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