Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
