he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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