he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
