nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
