He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
