There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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