one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My vagina is very pro this idea
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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