I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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