At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
