your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
