College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize