i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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