we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
