Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
