So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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