I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
