There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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