Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
