we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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