i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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