I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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