I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
